Not "I could have done more"

There are times when I get angry at myself! The reason lies less on the things I did but more on the things I did not do! Or did not have the courage to do! Funny how something that did not exist or did not come into being can affect someone's emotions! I guess thats how life goes. Life is not perfect and you cant have them all!

Ive got no problem with that! With all the unpleasant things that happened to me in the past, Ive learned to accept and embrace the imperfect side of life! But thats not the thing that bleeds my heart the most! Its not the fact that I did not have what I want! Its the painful realization that I did not exert enough effort to have them!

Indeed, what can be more painful than a wound inflicted by your own on your own! What words can burn your heart more than "I could have done more"! Loooking back, what i can see are tiny specks of success floating in vagueness and blurred by the bright spotlight of my failures! Faliures that I know are avoidable. Failures that I fought using weapons of denial consisted mainly of what ifs and if onlys! If only I did this... If only I have this... If only I was there... What if this was not the case... etc etc etc... Rather than accepting responsibility, I blamed my failures to things outside my control! I blamed them to the innocent world!

Ive lived long enough in the "what if" mediocre world of the past! Its time to move on to the "I will" world of the future! Its about time I accept the whole me! Failures and imperfections included! Its about time I do everything to avoid saying "I could have done more" again! If i meet failure again, I'll say "I did it all!"

Leaving on a JET Plane

Guess whos back! Back again! Badr's back, tell a friend! (Excerpts from an eminem song)! Forgive my "corniness" but as Im making this post, Im listening to an eminem music! Its been a while since I last made a post! If my memory serves me right (most of the time not), the last time I added something here was last month! Where have I been?

I've been to that place which most people dread! Ive been to that place more popularly known for its insurgency, wars, poverty, etc. Ive been to that place most people consider hell but which I call home! After two long years of missing, longing, and sometimes grieving, atlast I was able to set foot again in my hometown of Cotabato!

Last last sunday, I boarded a PAL 737 something whatever plane! Whew, plane nowadays are like germans, pronouncing their names are like playing a tongue twister game! I really didnt give a damn on what they call that plane as long as it was headed for Cotabato! Anyways, I was sitted next to a nun who was sitted on the side of the window! She was very friendly at first but I can see her patience wearing thin as the trip went by! Maybe because she was getting irritated whenever I take peek outside the window! ( which i have done not just 10 times)! I wasnt checking whether the plane was safely flying above ground zero, I was just looking for signs! Signs of familiar territory! Signs that im now flying above my motherland! The moment I saw the crystal blue waters and the greenish trees scattered on uneven grounds, I know I'm close! And the moment I smelled the light carbon monoxide-less air, I know I was!

Im not going to write a detailed account of my vacation as it will probably eat up all my blog's space! But what I can just say is it was the best set of experience ive had for this year! It was like my plane ride en route to cotabato! All fun! All excitement! none boredome! none nothingness! In the movies, the song leaving on a jet plane is usually played during scenes of separation where the actor is going away! In my own movie, that would be best played when I was coming back! coming back to manila! I was as down as the songs mood when I boarded my plane back to manila. I

Malawang Magawang Naiisip

Di ko alam kung bakit ako nagpost. siguro dahil wala akong magawa. siguro dahil alam kong ang dami ko pang dapat gawin pero wala akong ganang gawin. di naman marami, actually isa lang. Magpprocess lang naman ako ng emails. Yun lang diba, madali lang kung tutuusin! Hindi! Alam ko yun at alam nating lahat! Mahirap pala eh e bakit nandit pa ako sa trabahong ito! hindi ko alam. kelangan bang may sagot sa lahat ng tanong? kelangan bang may rason sa lahat ng bagay? hnd naman diba.
Ilan na ba ang naprocess nyo? Nakakahiya mang sabihin, lintik na 58 emails pa lang ang naprocess ko! wala talaga akong gana ngayon! dapat nga di ako papasok. dapat magcacall in ako pero naisip ko na baka pagalitan na ako ni miss lyn dahil sa dami ng call in ko! Kaya pinilit ko ang sarili kong lumayo sa aking telepono at huwag tawagan ang workforce. Dinaan ko na lang sa tulog.
Kriiiiiiiiiing! tunog ng alarm kong basag basag na sa khuhulog! madalas kasing nahuhulog ko ito sa twing ginigising niya ako! pano naman kasi, nakakatamad at nakakainis.
Akala ko pagkagising ko, mawawala na ang katmaran kong pumasok. Hindi pala, lalo pang tumindi ito! Akalain mong naisip ko pang mag NCNS na lang. "magreresign ka na rin naman soon!" patawang sabi ng maliit na demonyo sa kaliwang balikat ko. Hinintay kong lumabas ang anghel sa kabilang balikat! ang napapanuod ko kasi sa mga cartoons eh ganun ang laging nangyayari... hintay hintay hintay... walang lumabas! naghintay ako sa anghel kong hindi dumating! napaisip tuloy ako kung sobrang sama ko na ba! syempre wala naman talagang lalabas diba, sabi nga ng com prof ko, figure of speech lang ang mga ito! pawang mga kaartehan lang sa mundo ng pagsusulat!
Kaya nung pumasok ako sa 29th floor at naglogin sa guard, laking gulat ko na lang kung bakit ako nandito! Ang dami dami kong rason para hindi pumasok. ang dali daling magabsent na lang. Ni isang rason para pumasok, wala akong mahanap. Pero uulitin ko, kailangan bang may rason sa lahat ng bagay! kung ang girlfriend ko ang tatanungin ko, sasabihin nun lahat ng bagay may rason! maaring di mo lang nakikita sa ngayon! "Only god knows how", sabing nga ni KidROCK! pero diba meron ding sikat na kanta ngayon na ang title ay "waiting in vain!" Sige na nga, hintay tayo ng rason! bka may dumating. sana di tulad ng anghel na di dumating kanina! "I dont wanna wait in vain!"
"Meron akong food na dala, gusto mo?" alok ni erika sabay kuha ng pagkain sa bag niya! Icing biscuits pala ang mga ito! hindi ko alam ang pangalan pero yun lang ang tawag ko sa kanila. Eto yung maliliit na biscuits na kinakain natin nung tayo ay bata pa habang tumutulo ang sipon! kung tama ang memorya ko na madalas ay hindi, huli kong nakain ito nung nasa elementarya pa lang ako kaya laking tuwa ko na lang ng inalok ako ni erika.
Process ulit ng emails... "Ano ang ibig sabihin ng pope?" biglang tanong ni chito! syempre kami, di na nabigla kasi ganun naman talaga si chito, bigla na lang hihirit out of nowhere... esep esep... as usual, walang nakasagot sa tanong ni chito! "kung nagsimba kayo kahapon ay alam niyo ang sagot"! Aba, nagsermon pa si tatang (quoted from reich)! "Ang pope ay galing sa word na pontifess na ang ibig sabihin ay bridge!" "Whatever!, hirit ni erika"!
Process ulit ng emails... Dumating ang isang IM, "Pre lika dito". ALam k na na si dan ang nagsend dahil sya lang naman ang tumatawag sa aking sa office ng pre! Ako naman, curious kung ano ang ipapakita ni pareng dan! Ahhhh, porn ito malamang! Mali, special video pala ng metallica symphony concert! Opo, ang metallica ay may symphony concert! Natuwa naman ako dahil kung meron mang banda sa mundong ito na hindi mabubura sa isipan ko, ito ay ang Metallica Gods! "Kung gusto mo pre iburn kita" bait tlga ni pareng dan!
Lunch Tym na... Tuwing lunch pagkatapos kumain ay internet time na ito para sa amin! at madalas ang internet time ay blog time! Binuksan ko ang blog ko at nakita kong meron na namang taong nsayang ang oras kacocoment sa mga post ko. "Maganda", ang comment ni Pong. Siguro naman, lahat tayo ay natutuwa tuwing may nagcocoment sa post natin kahit gaano lang to kaikli! Kaya mas naiinspire tayong magblog. hindi kaya yun ang dahilan kung bakit ang haba ng post na ito!
Habang ginagawa ko po ito ay kasalukuyang kumakanta si Pau. SImula na ng concert... Minsan si pau ang kumakanta, minsan naman si mae, minsan si anne, minsan si dan, minsan ako, lahat naman siguro tayo ay may star in a million moment sa opisina! pero pansin ko lately, si lalaine ang sumisikat... siympre twuing may concert, natutuwa ang lahat pati ako! "dO I need a reason" ang madalas na naririnig kong kinakanta ni pau.
Speaking of which, balikan natin ang tanong ko kanina. Kelangan nga bang may rason ang lahat ng bagay? Ano nga ba ang rason kung bakit ako nandito at ginagawa ang post na ito? "UUUUUY, bloging time!" sabi ni mae. "syempre, sabi ko naman"
Ano nga ba ang rason? Kadadaan lang ni pau at syempre msaya na naman siya kaya tawa na naman kami ni erika!
Ano nga ba ang rason? "hala, ano yan! internet" pabirong sabi ni angel!
Ano nga ba ang rason? "Dapat maiyak ako sa post na yan ah" sabi ni reich...
Ano nga ba ang rason? "Guys, pwede mag OT sa saturday" sabi mi mama lynn.
Ano nga ba ang rason? Nakita ko na naman ang bagong hena tatoo ni moe.
Ano nga ba ang rason? nabibilyards na naman si benn. Ano nga ba ang rason? Seryoso na naman si bonn.
Ano nga ba?
Hindi kaya, ang mga ito..

Akala ko Sponge Cola ang kumanta! Aba'y hindi pala!

Ako'y malungkot na naman
Amoy chico na ako
Ilang tagay na, hindi pa rin tulog
Tanong ko lang sa langit
Kung bakit pumangit

Ang dating masaya
Ngayo'y panay problema
Bumabalot sa mundo
Bakit ganito...

Ang pag-ibig, ganyan talaga'
Pag bago pa ang pag-ibig
Ganyan talaga, masaya

Pagkagising ko
Nakita ko si Juan
Na siyang adik sa aming lugar
Parang droga daw ang bisa
Na ginamit nya kanina
Sa una lang daw masarap

Ang pag-ibig, ganyan talaga
Ako'y nilamon ng pag-ibig
Ganyan talaga, masaya

Dark Light

Atlast! I did it! For several days now, ive been looking for a design that would not tile when i set it as my blog's background page! Thats thousands of hours lost, millions of seconds gone and most importantly several brain cells tortured! But dont worry little badz's, your death did not go to waste. Thanks to Metallica!

They saved this poor lost blogger soul, heeded my prayers when all faith is gone! The dark gods of heavy metal music once again showed me light. I was randomly inputing nonsense keywords in the yahoo search field when a familiar sound caught my ears. "Hush little baby and dont say a word, and never mind that noise you heard..." All my brains processing power shifted to my ears. "its just a beast under your bed, in your coffin and in your head..." Then my feet unconsciously started thumping to the beat as if it had a life of its own... "exit light..... enter night.... take my hand". Then my mouth sang with kirk. "We're off to never never land! yeah!"

Thats when it hit me. Ofcourse, how can i forget! Why did I not search for metallica? i typed metallica in the search field then pressed enter. Let there be light! All the matches shined but this design shined the brightest!

With little blog tweaking here and there and now you're here wasting your time reading this without noticing the 4 M's in the background placed side by side each other! Another one of dan browns mystical symbols? Notttttt! Thats just metallica making their precense!

OTTTTeeeing

Today is saturday, my restday. Im supposed to be at home lying at my favorite sofa while watching an NBA game. Instead, Im here at the office making this post. But i did not come here for that! Hindi pa naman ako ganun kaaddict sa blog! Di tulad nina... hmmmmm, you know who you are..

Bakit nga ba ako nandito? uhhhhmmm, let me think first. ah alam ko na, Dahil ngayon ay Araw ng kagitingan! Ano naman ngayon kung araw ng kagitingan?! What does that have to do with punishing yourself by waking at 6 am in the morning on your restday and on a holiday! To show you are magiting?! Holiday means no work and no class right?!

Not in our case, call centers do not honor philippine holidays! Poor us? No, not really! See, the thing with working on a holiday is you get to be paid more that your usual rates. In my case, SInce im suppose to be elsewhere doing something else but instead im here at the office working my ass off, im supposed to be paid 300% my usual rate. Got that info from my friends who were also the ones who convinced me to do this. You better be right on that info guys!!! Yes, im here at the office doing OT work. Instead of being at starbucks with my friends, having a nice relaxing conversation, im here at the office torturing myself by answering hundreds of emails.

But its not that bad. Yes, I wasnt able to sleep 2 times longer but atleast i get to be paid 3 times bigger! Its all about the money!

Oooops, back to work!

Ang gulo KO!

Most people would say they are the same
When you feel love, you feel happiness
You feel Happy, then you feel love.
Both are played in the same game

It might be true, from the same land they start.
The two came from your heart
But as they move, past the road they call life
They lead to a different hive

Love becomes your life and life becomes your love
while happines remains just a part of life.
If happiness is just what you feel, then make it not your life.
Life can manage without happiness. Not without love.

But love is something elusive, always covered in mystery
It masks itself shyly; hiding behind happiness.
It shows itself in unexpected moments; sometimes when you wake
Then life becomes love and love becomes life.

Like life, love also dies and fades to happiness
it brings with it tears and sorrow
but like life, it also gets resurrected back
and when it comes back, love becomes lovelier

But until then;
Life can manage without happiness.

Who will be the next Michael Jordan? Most of you would probably mention KIng James. Still 2 years out of high school and is already one of the most dominating players in the NBA. Yes, the king has the athleticism, the attitude, the energy, the talent and almost every aspect of mike's character as a player but there is something that mike has which I cannot see in Lebron James and this something is best depicted in the picture above.

Mike has always been an aggressive player, always attacking the basket and finishing with nasty mean dunks. But thats not the thing that sets him aside from all the other great players. Thats not the thing that made him the greatest. What made him special is the fact that he can do a nasty dunk in your face with grace and finnese! His dunks are done in a smooth yet nasty and rugged fashion! When he takes off for a dunk, its like everything around him is moving a little bit slower and then when he nears the basket and about to slam the ball, time fast forwards!

Lebron lacks the finnese that mike has perfected. I cannot see that in the King! But I can see it in someone else. Someone who has always stayed away from the limelight quietly doing spectactular things; Until recently...! Im talking about none other than the Flash Dwyane Wade. Dwyane is the most complete player in the league today. He can make plays. He can pass the ball. He can shoot that sweet fade away jump shot. He can beat you with that ankle breaking crossover move and he can slam the ball in your Face! Dwyane is not only doing it in the offensive end but also on both sides of the court. He can rebound the ball, steal it; the Man can Defend!

You might be saying "Whats the big deal, Lebron can also do all of those?!" Yes he can but Dwyane can do it with Finnesse while Lebron cannot!

Many people say that the only reason why the Flash is runnin and gunnin right now is he has the DIESEL supporting his back. Yes, shaq has been the primary reason for the Heat's turnaround but I beleive with or without shaq, Dwyane can still play like how he is playing right now. With or without shaq on the court, Dwyane can still score, pass, defend, etc. The only question is can he win a chmpionship without Shaq? Probably, he can't but no one can win a championship alone. Even Mike needed scottie and the gang.

I-r-o-n-i-C

"If you want to be successful, stop playing around and start getting serious!" These are the words we often hear from our folks during those grueling hours of sermons! And if we think of it, it indeed sounds logical. Scientific study supports the fact that kids who spent more of their time studying for an upcoming exam than playing with their playmates scores a higher grade than those who do otherwise.Research also shows that highly successful individuals tend to be workaholic. Bill Gates sleeps at most 3 hours a day, Steve jobs, the founder of apple, sleeps roughly the same number of hours per day. It is safe to assume then that getting serious will more likely put you in the promised land of wealth and fame than just playing around!

But what if you can play around and still get big money! As in literally playing around! No one can understand this irony more than the likes of Lebron James, Michael Jordan, and those playing in any professional sport! What these people do is just play and have fun in order to get millions of dollars every year. The last time I checked, Shaq of Miami Heat will earn around 12 million dollars ( 700 million pesos) this year! Man! Thats enough to pay a huge part of our country's gargantuan debt! And to add more to the irony is the fact that the better these people play around, the bigger their earnings! The more fun they have on the court, the fatter their pockets!

Why did I write about this? Because yesterday, I went on leave! What I did the whole day is watch tv, sleep, eat, watch tv, sleep, eat, and watch tv, sleep, eat and think about this irony! This thought came to my mind while I was watching an NBA game. An NBA superstar was being interviewed about the success their team is having all throughout the season. He was asked about their strategies and their secrets. He said "We're just basically having utmost fun"! "That's it?", asked the reporter. "Yes, THats about it!".

Thats when my envy for these people started. It onlygrew stronger when I realized we are only allowed to do this 20 days a year! (Thats the total number of Leave credits we have) while these peeople do it every single day of their life!But I have nothing against them. In fact, I idolize most of them. Yes, its a bit unfair but that life! The winner takes it all!

Reality Bites

Why can't I make a post?! It's been a week now since i last made a post. A week of mental vaccum. Seems like a black hole has been building up inside my head sucking every bit of my brain cells to nothingness. Every single day, I open my blog and try to make an entry but I really cant. I cannot start a single word; not even a single letter. I just stare at my monitor waiting for the time my fingers start pressing keys and make something. But that time never came.

Maybe because i just dont have the drive yet. You know, that x factor that made great artists write timeless stories, heart melting poems, all-time bestsellers, and the like.

or Maybe because I just feel sleepy whenever I start making a post. They say making something requires focus and concentration. Yah, maybe that's the reason. I just lack the focus because i feel sleepy.

or Maybe because of the pressure work is giving me. Answering hundred emails a day will certainly drain your thoughts.

or Maybe because I'm just fooling myself writing this piece, thinking of a thousand reasons to avoid the painful truth. I just dont have her and that encompasses every reason.

Kudos to the family doctor

Amidst all the bad news that have been coming out lately, atlast something good has arrived. It was one of those ordinary nights last week, I slept early as usual. By 12 oclock midnight, i was awaken by the ringing of my phone. After two rings... I opened my eyes and wondered who the hell will call me in these hours. Then I took my phone and saw the name of my sister flashing in the screen.

Hello
Tho, kttpos lang ng exam, nakapas ako.
Ow, thats good, tpos na exam nyo, atlast. Kelan pa natapos.
Kanina lang lumabas ang results.
What results!, akala ko kttpos lang tapos may results na.
Hindi, lumabas na ang results and nakapass ako, ano ka ba bangag.
Huh, you mean nakapass as in pasado?
Oo!

I can hardly explain what I felt the moment I realized what she was talking about. It was pure happiness and excitement. No, somthing beyond that . Something that I cannot put into words. You cant blame me, You would feel the same when your sister has just broken the news to you that she just passed the MEdical Board Exam! Jeez man, thats the medical board exam were talking about. The last gate towards the medical kingdom. And now, she has just crossed that. She is now a certified Doctor.

Indeed, what a great feeling it was. If I feel this elated, I can only imagine what my parents felt. After spending a lot of of money, After absorbing all the headaches and all the heartaches, the failures, finally they have tasted the fruits of their labor. I wish I was there when they first heard the news to witness their reaction; to witness their joy and excitment. If I was happy for my sister, I was ecstatic for my parents. They deserve this news more than anyone else.

Its been a week now since this thing happened. My sister is now in our house waiting for Mar 21, the big day. They are going to take oath on that day. I dont know her plans but whatever it is, I'm sure she will have a bright future ahead.

After we talked that night, I closed my eyes and went back to sleep...

Ayla, nakapass ako...
Huh, what are you talking about...
I just passed the bar exam, you're now talking to atty badr salendab,
What....

Then I heard my phone ring again but this time there was no call. It was just my 5:30 am
alarm. I opened my eyes and went straight to the bathroom. It was just a dream. For now...

The unfair FAIR

Last night, we went to the UP fair. Didnt go well, we havent been an hour there yet when she started complaining about her headache. We decided to go home. We went home at around 10:30.
While we were walking towards her dorm, she apologized for spoiling the night. Then, I told her no problemo, it was ok. Then I gave her the "it's ok" look.
It was a stone cold lie. Something I didnt want to do. It wasnt ok. THe moment she started complaining about her headache, i knew that the night would not go as planned.
It was not ok, I was in fact very dissapointed.
But I understand her. I maybe pissed of. But I was pissed of at the situation; not at her. Never at her. What can I do, her health is much much more important to me than the UP fair. Id rather sacrifice a night of fun for her rest that she very much needed. It was a stone cold lie. something bad. But something necessary as well. I dont want to make her feel guilty. I dont want to add more pain.
COuld have come back actually. Pinsan rauf and a lot of brods are waiting for me. could have but chose not to. Went there thinking that I would enjoy the night only with her. and with her not around, the night lost its purpose. So whats the pont?
Went straight home, took a bath and slept.

All is fair in UP fair...

Yah Right!!!

UP Fair

UP FAIR, here I come! Its Up fair week again in UP. Jeezzz, what an awkard thing to say! UP fair in UP. Kinda redundant. ANyway, its that time of the year again where people from almost all walks of life come to UP to.. well enjoy the UP FAIR... tambay, jologs, matanda, pangit, gwapo, maganda, cono, addict, squatter, mayaman, or what have you jam together in a night of music, bodyslams, carnival rides, bugbugan, etc etc etc...

It started last monday. It has been going on for 4 days now and I am yet to go. Im going with my gf and possibly a friend. Well, thats the plan but who knows who ill bump into. Definitely, ill see my brods, my sises, possibly old friends, old crushes, old enemies... and of course, SLapshock and all those high octane shouting rock bands! Yeah! rock on!!! Im very excited Im headbanging my head as Im writing this piece. OUCH!!! stupid table!

Friends, wait for me.
Enemies, dont cause you dont know what you might get!
Brods, i know you're waiting for me. After not showing myself for almost a year!
And to my sister, I better not see you there! Go home and study for your exam!

All is fair in UP fair! :)

Friday dillema!

Its friday again! After spending 5 days answering thousands of emails, I can finally go out and have quality time! Whats the agenda for tonight?! Hmmmmm, have a lot of options actually..

1.) Gimmick with officemates! Today's the last day of sheena, shes officially quiting work. Ofcourse, her officemates will not let her go without spending a gimmick together!

2.) Meet with my girlfriend and finally end our fight! We've been having a tought time lately.. Pride or peace? :(

3.) Go out with pinsan rauf and chat with red horse till the wee hours of the morning! I just received his text inviting me to a drinking session! hmmm....

4.) go straight home and sleep all night and day!

Whatever happens, ill try to have fun! :)

The KID and I

I just finished answering a blog questionaire entitled "the what age quiz". It was a 10 item questionaire that will help you determine how mature (or in my case How immature) you really are inside. For those who wish to know their non biological age, Ive provided a link to the webpage. http://www.blogthings.com/whatagequiz/

After going through all the questions, I found out that I am a 20 year old at heart. With all due respect to those who made the questionaire, I totally disagree with the finding. It should not be 20! Are you guys kidding me! It should be younger! Have you seen a 20 year old who still dreams of owning a remote controlled monster truck! i think not! Have you seen a 20 year old who still pees on his pants! eeewww thats gross!!! hehehe, im just joking. I stopped peeing my pants since I was 16! Hehehe, kidding again!

I always think of myself as a kid trapped inside a mans body! Not that Im a totally irresponsible brat or something... Its just that I still cherish the things I used to do when I was a kid! And I still do them! Maybe because the happiest moments of my life prior to the time i met cam-b happened during that time. Who's cam-b? thats another story...

I am now 21 years old and I realized that just a week ago when I was setting up my blog account. I filled in all the required information including my bday and after filling all of them, I tried to view a preview of my blog account. There it was in the profile section! It said "I am 21 years old!". "Hmmmm parang may mali", said my "in denial" mouth! I double checked the facts I entered in the birthday field and found out that they were all accurate, 12/15/83! Then I counted the years Ive been me, 1984--1years old, 1985---2 year old, 1993---10, 2003---20...... 2004--- twentyyyyy 00000nnnnneeee....! I can hardly say the words! I looked at my left and told erika, "twenty one na pla ako!". "Kapal mo, ngayon mo lang nalaman! FEELing!", dan interrupted... Seriously, I passed my 21st bday last 12/15/04 thinking all the time that i was still 20!

Haaayy, the clock ticks too fast... Too fast for me to notice... Too fast for my aging parents.... Too fast for everything..... But too slow for the kid inside me to growwww...

but never Too fast for my lunch break though... TIme to to eat... CHOW.....

Welcoming myself to the blog world!

This is to welcome myself to the blog world. This will be the first time I will engage myself in this kinds of stuff. Ive never done friendster nor myspace. Not that i dont like it or i think it's jologs or something. Im just not open to the idea of meeting a stranger in the net the last minute and before long, he or she is your best buddy or even your significant other... I just dont like pretenses.

Anyway, I hope ill enjoy this as much as those people i know who got addicted to it.

CHAO...